August 2009
1 post
Why, oh finance lady loudly talking at your “Its a Boy!” party in the conference room 5 feet from my cube, would you scream loudly, “IT’S ON SKE-DU-AL”? Pronounce it right at least.
July 2009
1 post
newest pastime at work:
reading a pdf version of harry potter on my comp. All text, works like magic! get it har har
June 2009
5 posts
my boss is so ninja.. I can never hear when he’s coming. He’s too light to make any discernible sound while walking as opposed to the normal Krispy Kremes that lumber and make my cube walls shake. Is that something they taught in business school?
HAHA
I am currently on this conference call and someone is breathing heavily. Context: it is 8am. lolol.
the even funnier part is we all know who it is because our conference web client shows a mic next to the name of whoever is “speaking” hahahahaha.
gangster fobby coworker
haha my coworker who’s about 35 and super fobby just messed up in a meeting and said, “my bad my bad”.
old coworker has turned ninja.
I’m sitting here around 8:40am in my cube, waiting for my 9am to start when I see a figure lean silently into my cube. I look up to see the face of the old coworker that used to sit in this cube!!!! He was obviously surprised to see me there but geez… super silent. I think he was trying to cover up his footsteps by being very quiet for reasons I cannot even try to guess.
New Water Coolers
So as an effort to cut budget and raise “environmental awareness” (read: cut budget), they took out all free bottled water/drink fridges at work and installed these supposedly high powered water coolers. There are two of them in the break room, and at first glance they seem pretty cool. When you stick your cup under the spigot and push the dispense button, you get the satisfying whir...
May 2009
7 posts
A coworker who never comes into the office finally...
“Did you take over ____’s cube?”
-Yes. *I struggle to come up with an answer that doesn’t entail, ‘people cannot see my screen this way’ *
awkward pause, but more so from my side.
A look of understanding washes over her face and she smiles.
“OH, I get it.”
-What? What do you get?
“More sunlight…..” *she walks away*
...
he comes back! HAHA
So it’s like 8something AM and its pretty quite on my floor when I hear some rustling. I assume it’s one of my coworkers that comes in early but the noise is pretty close to me. Curious, I turn and peek my head out of my cube and see the Guy that’s supposed to have moved already, back in his cube!! He was just sitting there. I was so confused and startled that I blurted out,...
The coworker from my previous post finally moved out today, about an hour ago. He took all his stuff in boxes and changed buildings.
An hour later, I hear another worker call out “why are you back?”
him: “I HAVE A MEETING HERE”
He then proceeds to sit in his now-vacant cube, muttering to himself about how ‘he forgot something’. hahaha
He won't move...
There’s this guy next to me that just switched groups and thus needs to move buildings. The entire rest of the team has already transferred to the new site… except for him. It’s hilarious because he keeps saying “the old way we used to do it is… they give you packing boxes and then you move.” It’s not really that big of a deal.. cause it’s not like...
haha
my coworker who’s a 60-year-old asian dad just got a new computer for work, and he is playing solitaire on it. He’s been doing this since lunch. solidddd
So many vapid people I know use the word “amazing” way too much. I think it’s their go-to word because they simply have no idea how to verbalize or communicate their feelings in a way that any English-speaking person will understand.
“Omg last weekend was amazing!!!”
“Did you taste the fondue? Chocolate is amazing!!”
I guess it’s easy to amaze a...
What I learned today is
Everyone has their buttons to push. You push them, you see what people are like without that gate they call “Politeness”
April 2009
3 posts
so sleepy.
my eyelashes are like stuck together today for some reason. must investigate…
“I don’t buy products, I only buy deals.”
– overheard from sales people walking down the hallway. o m g
“I used to drink a 6-pack of diet dr. pepper a day. Then I had heart problems and...”
– overheard from my cubicle
March 2009
11 posts
My Taiwanese dad coworker...
I have a coworker who is a classic Taiwanese dad:
1. Is more concerned with asking me questions about his daughter’s resume and college applications/admissions than seeing that I was on ESPN at the time he came over
2. Loves girls. LOVES them.
Every so often he’ll stop by and comment in a dad accent, “Man, today I saw this beautiful girl receptionist! I think she’s your...
One of my coworkers is singing this Indian (Punjabi not Pow-wow) folk song in the cube over. She probably thinks no one can hear, but I can.
I want to stab my eardrums and puncture them with a fork.
My favorite place to dump.
I like going down the hall - ALL the way down, even up to the parts of the office that is uninhabited, places where the lights are dim and the lights around me don’t flicker, everyone gets a nice autographed picture, one for you and one for your sister, who couldn’t make it tonight but is an avid listener - at the end of the hall is the restroom that is normally for handicapped people...
Words Indian people love.
“Actually…..”
“like…”
“for example, like…”
I drew an accidental peenie on the board in a...
(3:42:42 PM) Me (Gtalk): i almost drew a penis on the board in a meeting today (3:42:51 PM) S: hahahahahhahah (3:42:59 PM) Me (Gtalk): i was demonstrating how two of our projects are like mirrors (3:43:04 PM) Me (Gtalk): so i circled both names which were adjacent, making two circles (3:43:09 PM) Me (Gtalk): and i drew a gigantic line in the middle of them (3:43:15 PM) Me (Gtalk): like this o|o
...
A useful (one-time) excuse to work from home on a...
I thought about this as I was falling asleep last night. This is something that can only be used once though, but it’s very detailed and almost fool-proof.
Main excuse: “I need to work from home on Friday because I am scheduled for an contact lens fitting at my optometrist in Cupertino during the day.”
Steps to make this excuse work:
Wear glasses the entire week before the...
You know you work at my office when...
Your coworker emails out, explaining his absence by his “flu is still active, pending removal”. He is 100% serious.
“I just realized my day is 20% learning, 10% working on reports, 60% fucking...”
– Yixuan Hyunh. I have amazing friends.
You know you're ghetto when...
You use refridgerated free soda cans as an ice pack for your jammed finger.
I look busy when I...
I noticed when people walk around with papers, they seem busier. This is attributed to several things:
1. The sound of papers fluttering alerts people that you have something in your hand, not just strolling around.
2. Papers usually signify meetings or other similar paper-requiring deals such as presentations or cubicle meets.
3. Bored people do not carry around papers. They carry around...
Eeeh eeeh eeeh.
My taiwanese coworker has this unnerving cackle of a laugh. When I am sitting in my cube and he hears a joke or something funny, I feel like I’m watching Coraline.
February 2009
13 posts
I have decided
That I hate working for a corporation. After talking with a few friends, some like me working as a corporate monkey, others out on their own, I have realized that companies just suck the creative juices and menial everyday tasks out of my life, for a base salary. Not only that, but I could get cut at any moment in time and only spend my days working on things that require none of my interest, yet...
My day.
Today, I read about black holes and its friends out there in space.
I went to Fry’s then Home Depot to buy a Torx screwdriver set.
I replaced my blackberry’s faceplate using the aforementioned tools.
I debated how seriously I should take the “coffee stains your teeth!” warning.
Also, I did some work.
I'm a lazy anomaly. Lazomaly.
I hear things all the time about how young professionals are always so hardworking, ambitious, and pretty much workaholics. I look at my life at the office and I scratch my head.
for 3 hours of the day.
Reverse Day
The more I act like I have all my tasks under control, the more crap my boss gives me to do…. talk about backfire.
Brings kids to work.
I guess since it’s President’s Day, the simple logic follows that children get the entire week off. I really forgot how awesome this was - we would get weeks off at a time, for absolutely no reason at all. President’s Day? Let’s slap a “Winter recess” on it and give them a week off. April Fool’s Day? Hey we didn’t use “Spring recess” yet,...
One of the most stressful parts of my day is walking back to my desk from the breakroom with a cup of coffee in my hand. For some reason, I am never able to make it without spilling, even if I concentrate my entire mind and body to not spill it. I just look at the liquid level, helpless to do anything about it as it slowly swishes closer and closer to the rim with every step I take. It’s not...
Coffee Addicts
The dude in the cube next to me gets Starbucks coffee every day. Some minor calculations:
Tall specialty coffee ~ 3 bucks (generously cheap estimate).
$3 * 6 weeks * 7 days a week = 126 dollars since I’ve been here. On coffee. WE HAVE FREE COFFEE IN THE BREAKROOM
Top 3 Reasons Why Farting in Your Cube is a Bad...
The scent can sink into your chair fabric, rendering it as long-lasting as Orbit
Natural sounds sometimes cannot be controlled, leading to audible gasps of employees that are 3 feet away and only separated by a 2-inch cubicle wall
You never know when your boss or coworker will stop by your cube to ask you for something
Case of the Fridays
I just spent the last 8 minutes wandering around my cubicle hallways muttering “yeaaaaaaboi!” under my breath. I am happy to report that no one noticed anything unusual.
January 2009
21 posts
Red October.
I’ve always wondered why two of my coworkers always stand between their cubes when they want to talk. They’re both pretty tall, so wouldn’t it be obvoius that they were standing around? Proximity is also a non-issue, because they literally work 5 feet away from each other.
My mystery was solved today when one of the two was standing up with me in the aisle.
“Watch out...
Thin work pants.
Disclaimer: this might be too graphic. I tried to use as many euphemisms as I could, but alas - still graphic. Thank god this blog is anonymous. If you know who I am, shuttup.
I bought some pretty cool work pants from Kohl’s yesterday. They are grey but slightly metallic and satin-y if you know what kinda thing I’m talking about. Anyway they were kinda thin, but I decided that they...
My old boss.... lul
This is the guy that asked me about his daughter’s college admissions process for 75% of my interview.
WL: hi Me: hey [boss] whats up WL: do you have a few mns ? : can you email me? i’m moving to bld 7 for all hands in a few minutes WL: a short question : sure whats up
WL: my daughter receive invitation from UCLA to apply for the Regent’s Scholarship :oh excellent!...
Diet coke FTL.
You know how sometimes office passageways can get congested by just a few people? Cubicle aisles are narrow enough by themselves. Anyway, I was just on my way to the break room, and I will practice my organizational skills by listing what happened sequentially.
I start walking down the long aisle towards the break room for a diet coke.
Some woman ganks me who comes out of a (slightly) closer...
Sage Advice
Whenever you ask someone about their day at work and they say “pretty slow”, it basically means they have done jack the entire day. the ENTIRE day.
If they did anything that day, they would answer with “oh I did some work on [blahblah]”, so don’t be fooled.
Oldschool jokes ftw
Me (Gtalk): i think they already like me : so this way.. by working hard for them, they’ll be happy to help me if i ever need anything Justin: yeahh : fosho Me (Gtalk): its like : building an army Justin: but we need more vespene gas
“Justin: dude it was funny this one day
: i ran into a director
: 3x
: at the...”
– My friend who works at a finance company
Hi my morning sucked
Here is an abridged version of my morning, in list form and starting with last night.
1:00 am - Get home from going out with friends. I realize it is getting late and I have an 8am meeting with a group including my manager, group, VP.
6:30 am - Alarm goes off, and I trudge over to my phone, grab it, reset the alarm to 7am and go back to sleep with the phone in my hand.
7:00 am - Alarm goes off...
Why yes...
So I was being bored and looking at blogs, when I hear some footsteps behind me (I quickly alt+tab to some coding program). Genius. Alt+tab back.
The footsteps suddenly come plodding back and as I turn around in horror, my coworker’s face is peering straight at my screen. By the surprised look on his face, I was NOT sure what kind of trouble I had just gotten into.
Him: *Squints*...